submitted 8 days ago byridz246_
all 3728 comments
8 days ago
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8 days ago
Yep. This one is terrible.
7 days ago
7 days ago
7 days ago
So you're not mad?
I don't know, you're supposed to know.
Dude: “Ok”…(grabs remote to turn the tv volume back up)
Her: “I just think it’s funny how…”
🤣🤣🤣🤣 “I just think it’s funny how”
Whatever you do do not say “I’m glad you can find humor in that because I’d be upset”
Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic, Emotional
-The Italian Job
When i was a teenager we always said "fucked up, insecure, neurotic and emotional"
My ex-wife pulled this on me a couple of times. Not as bad as when she said I should have killed myself while I was employed so she could at least get the company's insurance money.
Bro....can I like...hug you?....that's horrible....
bro that's straight up awful, I'm happy to see the ex prefix in there
A real man is being your own man. Find someone who appreciates that.
Level 34 Male
Never let a woman tell you how to be a man.
Hell most men also aren't capable of telling you how to be a real man. As soon as they start spouting the "real man" lines, they're guaranteed to not know what they are talking about
That Instagram page 'bostonBeAMan' I think is really funny. It's just the worst advice possible followed by a guy saying 'be a man' in a Boston accent.
Don't let someone ruin your day. Ruin it yourself be a man
Wife and I got in to a pretty bad fight, we went to marriage counseling and the therapist asked her what she thought I was or wasn’t doing to make the marriage work, my wife responded with “well, a real man would…” the therapist shut her down. “If you want to make your marriage work, don’t EVER question his manhood that’s not something that is up to you to decide”. Felt validated.
"I would if you would act like a lady"
great response, although I would add "real lady" for extra annoyance
Drive that societal construct home.
"A real man would..."
A phrase used to pressure into men acting against their own self interest for millenia.
“You’ll make someone a great husband some day”
Hopefully that wasn’t your wife.
It was my wife, unfortunately
For any women wondering why this is bad, the translation is, "You're totally not boyfriend material."
It's the opposite, "you're a boyfriend material, I just don't get my panties wet for you"
or worse in that she'll let you do all the boyfriend things for her, as long as she doesn't have to do girlfriend things for you.
Its worse than that. They see you as a safe stable fallback for a gal who's done with "fun sexy guys"
Had one basically say this and 15 years later she's married to a guy who is WAY too much like me for my comfort.
Yup, all the variations of, "Somebody's going to really love you (JUST NOT MEEEE!"
Nope, not helpful. Do not say that. Don't give arm's length compliments that pretty much exclude yourself. That plenty of fish in the sea stuff is also a no go.
I mean, come on. Men are self aware enough that we do NOT say that kind of shit, ever. We don't go there. We don't dip our hands in the cringe bucket to give you a verbal 'feel better'. We also don't say, "You're such a great... JUSTFRIENDS to me! You'll be a great (friend) to someone else."
It just doesn't work that way. Deep down, don't you know that already?
There’s plenty of fish in the sea…. there’s also plenty of trash
"Why can't I find a guy like you?!" to a guy like him, because he is that guy.
Back in my dating on Tinder phase, "Looking for the Jim to my Pam" was an automatic swipe left.
Lol. "I'm engaged but open to upgrading"?
The Marisa Tomei option
How bout, “make me laugh”. Fuck you. Im not a court jester.
In my experience, it's a sign that she isn't going to try very hard either, driest conversations I've ever had were the "make me laugh" girls
And the "say something interesting" girls usually have literally nothing else in their profile. And a pickup line is a dice roll. And a random fact usually gets ignored, as does a current event. And smalltalk tends to get some nasty responses or an instant unmatch.
this isn't technically heard from a woman... so in that same category, those signs that say "Live, Laugh, Love"
This only happened once, but she said that men can't clean a house/apartment as well as women do. As someone who takes pride in my cleaning abilities that annoyed me a lot. It's also a very broad general statement and I hate those.
But if YOU said that men can't clean an apartment as well as a woman, you'd be "an asshole stuck in the 1950's."
Huh, didn't think of that, but I guess it is one of THOSE statements that easily lead to double standards. One more reason to be annoyed, a few years after it happened haha
"I dont know... where do you want to eat!
Play 3-2-1. This is what I have always done.
I pick 3 places I'd be happy going. She then has to choose 2 of those that she'd be happy going, then I pick from those 2.
Generally, it tells me what she ISN'T in the mood for. Sometimes, if she wants to go to one of the 3, but definitely not the other two, she'll just pick from the 3.
It makes us both feel like we are choosing, which helps
Her Let’s go out
Him Where do you want to go
Her I don’t care let’s just go
Him OK we’ll go here
Her No not there
Her: ugh, you always make me pick!
8 days ago*
8 days ago*
Lol my husband is “Her.” He doesn’t know where he wants to go, but does know where he does NOT want to go 🤦🏻♀️
Game changer in our marriage: We take turns picking!!! We can’t complain about partner’s choice of restaurant. Easy. Done.
Edit: It took us 5 years to finally adopt this lol. We also have kids now and they also get to choose.
I'm like your husband, except I say what I don't want before the selection process starts. Like: "I don't care, just not sushi, or burgers" usually it is just things I've had recently or don't feel like eating
My number one pet peeve. Literally had this conversation with my wife last night.
My wife had a late program at work, got out at like 7pm. Called me and is like "should I pick up food for dinner?" I'm like go ahead. Then she's like "but where?!". Jokes on you, I already ate dinner so that choice is yours. She's like "uuuuuuuuugggg!".
But yeah, the "you pick" then her shooting down my first 5 choices, really gets annoying. It's like, you are the one that ultimately ends up picking by process of elimination of the choices I present.
Dude, just ask her to guess where you're taking her and go to the first guess!
“Um I just don’t know teehee!”
drives off a bridge
🎶My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why
I got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window
And I can't see at all🎶
Been told this before.
Response was: "I'd like to meet someone like me, too."
Her: confused face
But I’m a man like me 😭
no. not like that.
She wants the handsome version of you.
But I'm quite handsome, mum said so!
She wants the icky-less version of you.
I also want to be the less icky version of me, not for them, but for myself.
It's the number one backhanded compliment men get.
I want someone like you, but not you. Ya know? Just without the eww that forces us to be only friends... forever. You, but not you. Some kind of sexy you, which... you're not.
Basically, you're not good enough. You'll never be good enough, and I'll never be attracted to you, but at least you got some things right. Cheer up old guy!
I felt that in my soul.
Bro just kept going
When you mow someone down, you don't look back.
at least you got some things right. Cheer up old guy!
at least you got some things right. Cheer up old guy!
Eh feels almost like the opposite to me. Like "you've got everything right and still no dice, damn you must suck"
Note I'm somewhat exaggerating, I don't actually feel much when this happens and I've friendzoned or however one wants to describe it my fair share. But I do remember what it was like being an emotional teen, pretty sure it was the worst then
"What a coincidence! I hope I can find someone like you someday too!"
Yup, got on Reddit this morning to ruin my own day by seeing this exact comment.
It roughly translates to "I like your personality, but not your face" :')
Might as well say "If only you were sexy..."
Also - why aren't there more men like you / why can't all men be like you and all other variants. (The answer apparently being because if they were the population would have died out by now!)
Someone once complimented me with this during an affirmation circle. I had to do a mental double take and look at around to see if anyone heard what was just said.
"Be a man"
With all the force of a great typhoon.
Be a man
With all the strength of a raging fire
Mysterious as the dark side of
da moooooooooon !!!!
"You so scared! You're a man!"
Nah bitch, that's the most venomous scorpion in America and it just crawled over my foot.
Yeah, but not like that... be a man, the way i want you to be a man
Be a REAL man
Its strange how real men are defined by the idea women have in their heads, instead of the idea being defined by how real men actually are.
BE A MAN! DOOOO THE RIGHT THING! I don't say this to my husband but I do say it to my dog when I KNOW he is considering getting into that garbage bag I just tied up and haven't taken outside yet lol
Any of the narcissistic shit heard from some girls on Tinder: “Entertain me. 6 feet/inches/figures or keep moving.” And my favorite “I’m never on here, follow me on IG” like that isn’t the worst way to advertise that you want more followers and aren’t actually looking for a relationship
This is the mating call of the extremely boring single woman.
This reminds me of a female friend who "required" guys she matched with to keep up some level of "witty banter" when texting. If they didn't, she unmatched them. It was basically the same as "entertain me."
“Bet I can out smoke u” &
"Bet I can out drink/smoke you" is when I say "winner pays?" and promptly get unmatched, they just want free shit lmao
Hey I habe six figures on my paycheck. Decimals count also, doesn’t they?
“A real man…”
“Can’t handle me at my worst, then…”
Fuck that whole "can't handle me" shit. Go to fucking counseling, and stop trying to get me to handle ALL of your problems, while saying no to the solutions I offer.
The “can’t handle me” is a great red flag so you know to walk away before things get way worse.
7 days ago*
7 days ago*
Bruh if you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best
Which happens to be the same as my worst
"No, I don't want to listen about The Tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise"
It’s treason then.
"Why do all men..."
people who make wide sweeping generalizations of entire demographics based off the few worst individuals are all terrible people
This sounds like a contradiction or hypocrisy... but it isnt because its true.
Im surrounded by women at work and when they start shitting on men im usually like "hello!", to which theyll be like "oh no not you though, youre one of the good ones". Then ill be a smart ass and be like "Yeah thats what they say to black people too" which usually is received with radio silence. Cracks me up though.
I once had a black person in my friend group who hit a bunch of white women at the office with almost this exact line. They called him one of the good ones and he was like “just like massa used to say” and they fucking DIED where they were sitting. I wanted to high five him so bad but I thought it would ruin the moment so I just bought him a bottle of scotch for his birthday.
Damn, I wouldve loved to see that. Im pretty white here so it probably had nowhere near the same punch as his delivery did
Oh man. It would have been hard to contain the laughter overhearing that. A friend of mine has that type of humor, so in my head I'm hearing it in his voice.
This is legendary.
Hahaha I don't think I'd have the balls to say that, but goddamn that's good
I love you
love you too Sam
Love you too dead
Wow, I almost want to start using this but imagine it'll just backfire on me.
Why does "you're one of the good ones" sound to me the same as "we wouldnt date you even if you were the last man on earth"
… at least pee once a day?
Fruity Cocktail Drinker
I hope for your kidneys sake you're peeing more than once a day
she ain't even speak to more than 1000 men her entire life but it is all men
"You can go to the pub with your friends. It's fine"
Narrator: But it was not fine, a fact he would find out later that evening while too drunk to meaningfully discuss the situation.
Dude this was a go to of one of my exes. She would literally spend two or three days telling me my plans were fine, that she had stuff to do, that she was happy I was going out with friends, and then would fucking rip into me when I got back, inevitably late at night, intoxicated/crossfaded, and completely unprepared for an argument she had been rehearsing in her head for the last two or three days. I only fell for it twice, once because I didn't know and once because I couldn't believe the audacity of this woman, but good god, never again. That's a "walk out the door and drop their shit off in the morning" kind of play for me these days.
Getting asked a question about something bothering them, instead of addressing the problem you have directly.
Saying, “Don’t you think you spend too much time with (insert hobby)?” is annoying. If you have a problem with the amount of time I spend doing what makes me happy, just say so.
Flashing exit sign for anybody who insults you for being active in your favorite things or interests.
There are some of us dumb enough to not get away from someone like that faster or worse yet, let said hater/narcissist dismantle those things you love out of you to never do it again
"We need to talk."
Ha! I guess I'm lucky. I don't fear this question. When my wife says "we need to talk" as she comes into my office and sits on a chair, the next words out of her mouth are usually "I'm torn between chicken or meatloaf tonight and I'm stuck" or "Can I buy a new x for myself / the house / the kids (and by that she means "can I have some money to buy x "(she has her own account and money but it's usually something expensive that she can't afford but I can))?"
What's the worst follow up that can come from this?
Something like I fell in love with another man and our relationship needs to end
"I'm going to ask you a question and don't lie to me because I already know the answer"
Almost guaranteed a) she’s breaking up with you b) has done something shitty (like fuck your friend - been there in a prior relationship) c) has some unsolicited and unilateral relationship performance feedback for you that if unaddressed will lead to a)
C also has trails to B 😂
What's the worst follow up that can come from this?
Silence. You get the "We need to talk" 15 minutes into your work day then get to stew all day waiting to get home.
I know what you did to my sister last summer.
Ultimatums, asking of divorces, etc.
You'll make someone very happy someday.
Just admit you think I'm ugly, sheesh.
“You’re so cute” (but not in the physically attractive sense)
Those 2 used to drive me crazy when I was younger lol. So condescending.
Lmfao this drove me up the wall as a teenager. I was out there trying to be all mysterious and cool, but just got called adjectives you'd use to describe a puppy instead. I eventually just decided Fuck it, I guess I'm going to be a puppy and now my girlfriend says I have the personality of a golden retriever
Lol exactly !
It’s their way of saying you remind them of a harmless naive child or something.
I got called cute enough times that I embraced it and now have a RAGING petplay fetish and a couple of people who collar me and fuck me senseless. I think we got lucky, mate.
Thais is escalated verrrrrrrry quickly
"Nice guy" connotations aside - any version of "you're so great any girl would be lucky to have you", from a girl who doesn't want to date you.
The only time I take it as a compliment is if it's from someone who is already taken. At that point I'm not trying to get with them so it's not a rejection.
"Theirs absolutely nothing wrong with me" proceeds to be sulky and silent for the rest of the day, then the big reveal of what actually is wrong and it could have been sorted in 2 mins...
From experience, sometimes it takes time to figure out why you are upset. My wife and I usually tell each other that we are upset, but need some time to articulate it.
This happens to me (M) a lot. I’ll be upset about it, my fiancé (F) will pick up on it easily and ask me what’s wrong. I’ll just say “nothing” or “I’m okay” to give myself some time to sort/figure it out, then I’ll talk about it later.
Glad I’m not the only one who needs time to sort through thoughts/feelings in this way.
I should probably start telling her something IS wrong, but I need time to sort it out, now that I type that up.
"Happy Wife, happy life!"
It's probably already on this list, but I know it pisses me off quite a bit.
“happy spouse, happy house”
found that gem on reddit the other day!
In fact, this phrase in particular is specifically not meant for any woman to say.
Its simply a JOKE phrase to be used by men. Not for women to literally say, as a basis for their own marriage. Its such bullshit how its being used.
haha weird i’ve only ever heard it said by dudes
"You are doing the same thing my ex did" during an argument, oh boy my wife told me that once and God as my witness she learned that saying this stuff is a no.
What was your response that helped you?
I gave her the earful of her life, her ex was a junkie that would beat the shit out of her until things got ugly enough her sisters asked me to basically break into their house and remove the now my wife by force from there, i was definitely a thug and a bit moody sometimes but being compared to a shit like that? That's the one time i actually considered braking up, it was enough for her to cool down and never do that again
If you weren't a good guy the sisters wouldn't have asked you for help.
Meh. Lots of people are not just one or the other.
Sometimes they are just big and your friend.
"I just think it's funny..."
It's never funny
Imagine responding to the ensuing rant that usually follows that with a super serious face, a few blinks and, “….. how is that funny?”
“Oh I get it! You’re right. It’s not funny haha, it’s funny queer!”
“men are trash”
I love hearing this, because it’s a really easy way to know that this is someone who I can just completely disengage with.
"And you're a raccoon 🦝"
“A real man would..”
"Please babe stop, you're not Spiderman... You can't just jump from a building"
"Are you in yet?"
(Tries to shove the balls inside)
Is this where the phrase 'balls deep comes' from?
His response is "I can't tell"
Thank fucking God I wasnt
"Men enjoy the chase". No, we don't and you don't know us better than us, so pipe down.
For fucking real man. No I don’t like the chase, you’re the one who likes the chase Jessica. I don’t want 37 different microscopic signals and minimum 2 hours of wait time between texts. That’s how you never get a text back.
I'm in my 30s, the only thing I'm chasing is a 10pm bedtime.
"What are you doing in my house? Why are you wearing my lingerie? I'm calling the cops?" Like jeez, lighten up dude
Our lingerie, comrade.
"My period is late"
If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.
Reads as intent to readily harm you at a whim if you do go out with her and this is said as your warning... ick.
"i don't date guys under 5'9" girl you're 4'9 what the hell
She needs tall genes or her kids will be midgets
"The council has concluded..."
Stop asking your friends as a technique to manipulate people. Everyone knows what you're doing.
You're on the council, but you are not granted the rank of Master.
this is outrageous, it's unfair!
My last ex did that, while her "council" consisted of interned "friends" with serious mental issues and inability to control their emotions and assumptions.
Still amazes me that she tried it, when she knew i would never care what they think.
Anything along the lines of "it will be ok" or "you'll be fine" in reference to something stressful. It feels like it's being brushed off.
I understand that it's reassurance, but if I'm venting about having a lot to do or a large, difficult task, then I would prefer something functional like "how about doing X just to get started" or even support that acknowledges the reason I'm venting such as "wow, X is a lot of work, but I'm confident you'll overcome it"
That’s something I learned in my current relationship. When I’ve had bad things go down or I’m struggling, she doesn’t make it about me. She says “We will figure it out. We’ll be okay. It will all pass.”
Something about the word “we” changes everything.
I would assume "kill all men" phrase is in most mens top 3 to hate .
oh God that one
I find it very helful when women say stuff like that. It lets me know they're full of shit and not worth talking to. Oddly I only hear that on the internet. I haven't heard anything like that IRL in decades.
"Calm down, you're getting so worked up"
Anytime I defend myself. If I don't agree with her, and stick to my guns, it's out of character and I'm super defensive and agitated. No sweetheart, I'm just not agreeing with you. It happens.
"Man up" and/or "Be a man"
Weird how that seems to be defined as (1) admitting to some kind of fault or (2) paying for something nobody needs.
When women say this to me, I ask if they want to hear what I think women ought to do.
"You are a really good men, I don't know why you don't have a girlfriend"
Bonus point if you hear that from a girl that you like
And then you just kinda laugh and look at them like 🤷♂️ before going home and letting that statement soak in the depression pools in your brain.
“Everything must be so easy being a man.”
Actually I don't get along with other girls......so I hang out with guys.
All men are the same
"I´m a bad girl"
Instant boner killer. Miss me with that shit!
"All men are pigs/assholes/sexist/etc."
Thanks. I've genuinely never done anything to harm anyone so thanks for generalising me for my genital arrangement.