Yep. This one is terrible.

Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic, Emotional

-The Italian Job

My ex-wife pulled this on me a couple of times. Not as bad as when she said I should have killed myself while I was employed so she could at least get the company's insurance money.

A real man is being your own man. Find someone who appreciates that.

Never let a woman tell you how to be a man.

"I would if you would act like a lady"

"A real man would..."

A phrase used to pressure into men acting against their own self interest for millenia.

Hopefully that wasn’t your wife.

For any women wondering why this is bad, the translation is, "You're totally not boyfriend material."

Yup, all the variations of, "Somebody's going to really love you (JUST NOT MEEEE!"

Nope, not helpful. Do not say that. Don't give arm's length compliments that pretty much exclude yourself. That plenty of fish in the sea stuff is also a no go.

I mean, come on. Men are self aware enough that we do NOT say that kind of shit, ever. We don't go there. We don't dip our hands in the cringe bucket to give you a verbal 'feel better'. We also don't say, "You're such a great... JUSTFRIENDS to me! You'll be a great (friend) to someone else."

It just doesn't work that way. Deep down, don't you know that already?

Lol. "I'm engaged but open to upgrading"?

How bout, “make me laugh”. Fuck you. Im not a court jester.

this isn't technically heard from a woman... so in that same category, those signs that say "Live, Laugh, Love"

But if YOU said that men can't clean an apartment as well as a woman, you'd be "an asshole stuck in the 1950's."

Play 3-2-1. This is what I have always done.

I pick 3 places I'd be happy going. She then has to choose 2 of those that she'd be happy going, then I pick from those 2.

Generally, it tells me what she ISN'T in the mood for. Sometimes, if she wants to go to one of the 3, but definitely not the other two, she'll just pick from the 3.

It makes us both feel like we are choosing, which helps

Her Let’s go out

Him Where do you want to go

Her I don’t care let’s just go

Him OK we’ll go here

Her No not there

My number one pet peeve. Literally had this conversation with my wife last night.

My wife had a late program at work, got out at like 7pm. Called me and is like "should I pick up food for dinner?" I'm like go ahead. Then she's like "but where?!". Jokes on you, I already ate dinner so that choice is yours. She's like "uuuuuuuuugggg!".

But yeah, the "you pick" then her shooting down my first 5 choices, really gets annoying. It's like, you are the one that ultimately ends up picking by process of elimination of the choices I present.

Dude, just ask her to guess where you're taking her and go to the first guess!

Been told this before.

Response was: "I'd like to meet someone like me, too."

Her: confused face

But I’m a man like me 😭

It's the number one backhanded compliment men get.

I want someone like you, but not you. Ya know? Just without the eww that forces us to be only friends... forever. You, but not you. Some kind of sexy you, which... you're not.

Basically, you're not good enough. You'll never be good enough, and I'll never be attracted to you, but at least you got some things right. Cheer up old guy!

"What a coincidence! I hope I can find someone like you someday too!"

Yup, got on Reddit this morning to ruin my own day by seeing this exact comment.

It roughly translates to "I like your personality, but not your face" :')

Might as well say "If only you were sexy..."

Also - why aren't there more men like you / why can't all men be like you and all other variants. (The answer apparently being because if they were the population would have died out by now!)

Someone once complimented me with this during an affirmation circle. I had to do a mental double take and look at around to see if anyone heard what was just said.

With all the force of a great typhoon.

"You so scared! You're a man!"

Nah bitch, that's the most venomous scorpion in America and it just crawled over my foot.

Yeah, but not like that... be a man, the way i want you to be a man

Be a REAL man

BE A MAN! DOOOO THE RIGHT THING! I don't say this to my husband but I do say it to my dog when I KNOW he is considering getting into that garbage bag I just tied up and haven't taken outside yet lol

“Entertain me."

This is the mating call of the extremely boring single woman.

“Bet I can out smoke u” & “Future Milf”

Hey I habe six figures on my paycheck. Decimals count also, doesn’t they?

[deleted]

🤮

Bruh if you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best

Which happens to be the same as my worst

How uncivilized

It’s treason then.

people who make wide sweeping generalizations of entire demographics based off the few worst individuals are all terrible people

This sounds like a contradiction or hypocrisy... but it isnt because its true.

Im surrounded by women at work and when they start shitting on men im usually like "hello!", to which theyll be like "oh no not you though, youre one of the good ones". Then ill be a smart ass and be like "Yeah thats what they say to black people too" which usually is received with radio silence. Cracks me up though.

… at least pee once a day?

she ain't even speak to more than 1000 men her entire life but it is all men

Dude this was a go to of one of my exes. She would literally spend two or three days telling me my plans were fine, that she had stuff to do, that she was happy I was going out with friends, and then would fucking rip into me when I got back, inevitably late at night, intoxicated/crossfaded, and completely unprepared for an argument she had been rehearsing in her head for the last two or three days. I only fell for it twice, once because I didn't know and once because I couldn't believe the audacity of this woman, but good god, never again. That's a "walk out the door and drop their shit off in the morning" kind of play for me these days.

Flashing exit sign for anybody who insults you for being active in your favorite things or interests.

There are some of us dumb enough to not get away from someone like that faster or worse yet, let said hater/narcissist dismantle those things you love out of you to never do it again

Ha! I guess I'm lucky. I don't fear this question. When my wife says "we need to talk" as she comes into my office and sits on a chair, the next words out of her mouth are usually "I'm torn between chicken or meatloaf tonight and I'm stuck" or "Can I buy a new x for myself / the house / the kids (and by that she means "can I have some money to buy x "(she has her own account and money but it's usually something expensive that she can't afford but I can))?"

What's the worst follow up that can come from this?

Lmfao this drove me up the wall as a teenager. I was out there trying to be all mysterious and cool, but just got called adjectives you'd use to describe a puppy instead. I eventually just decided Fuck it, I guess I'm going to be a puppy and now my girlfriend says I have the personality of a golden retriever

"Nice guy" connotations aside - any version of "you're so great any girl would be lucky to have you", from a girl who doesn't want to date you.

From experience, sometimes it takes time to figure out why you are upset. My wife and I usually tell each other that we are upset, but need some time to articulate it.

“happy spouse, happy house”

found that gem on reddit the other day!

In fact, this phrase in particular is specifically not meant for any woman to say.

Its simply a JOKE phrase to be used by men. Not for women to literally say, as a basis for their own marriage. Its such bullshit how its being used.

What was your response that helped you?

Imagine responding to the ensuing rant that usually follows that with a super serious face, a few blinks and, “….. how is that funny?”

I love hearing this, because it’s a really easy way to know that this is someone who I can just completely disengage with.

"And you're a raccoon 🦝"

"Not yet"

(Tries to shove the balls inside)

His response is "I can't tell"

Thank fucking God I wasnt

For fucking real man. No I don’t like the chase, you’re the one who likes the chase Jessica. I don’t want 37 different microscopic signals and minimum 2 hours of wait time between texts. That’s how you never get a text back.

I'm in my 30s, the only thing I'm chasing is a 10pm bedtime.

Our lingerie, comrade.

Reads as intent to readily harm you at a whim if you do go out with her and this is said as your warning... ick.

She needs tall genes or her kids will be midgets

You're on the council, but you are not granted the rank of Master.

My last ex did that, while her "council" consisted of interned "friends" with serious mental issues and inability to control their emotions and assumptions.

Still amazes me that she tried it, when she knew i would never care what they think.

That’s something I learned in my current relationship. When I’ve had bad things go down or I’m struggling, she doesn’t make it about me. She says “We will figure it out. We’ll be okay. It will all pass.”

Something about the word “we” changes everything.

oh God that one

I find it very helful when women say stuff like that. It lets me know they're full of shit and not worth talking to. Oddly I only hear that on the internet. I haven't heard anything like that IRL in decades.

And then you just kinda laugh and look at them like 🤷‍♂️ before going home and letting that statement soak in the depression pools in your brain.